Up In Smoke (1978)
The story has to do with bumbling potheads Cheech & Chong searching for primo bud, while being tailed by a team of inept law-enforcement officers, led by Sgt. Stedenko (Stacy Keach). Sample dialogue: When a cop pulls them over to ask if they are any illegal substances in his vehicle, Cheech replies: "Not any more, man." Up in Smoke is an irresistibly silly and charming movie that--despite, or perhaps because of, the national furor over drug use--plays today like a relic from a bygone era, a sweeter, more open, more innocent period in our history.
[stoned cop walks to window]
Cop: What do you guys want?
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Pedro: Hey how am I driving, man?
Man Stoner: [looks around] : I think we're parked.
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Pedro: Man, what is in this shit, man?
Man Stoner: Mostly Maui Waui man, but it's got some Labrador in it.
Pedro: What's Labrador?
Man Stoner: It's dog shit.
Pedro: What?
Man Stoner: Yeah, my dog ate my stash, man.
Pedro: Yeah?
Man Stoner: I had it on the table and the little motherfucker ate it, man. Then I had to follow him around with a little baggie for three days, man, before I got it back. Really blew the dog's mind, ya know?
Pedro: You mean we're smokin' dog shit, man?
Man Stoner: Gets ya high, don't it?
[Song, "Rockin' Robin" plays... ]
Man Stoner: I think it's even better than before, you know?
Pedro: Uhhh, I wonder what Great Dane tastes like, man.
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Border Guard: So, how long you've been in Mexico?
Pedro: A week. I mean a day.
Border Guard: Well, which is it? A week or a day?
Pedro: A weekday.
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Man: You wanna get high man?
Pedro: Does Howdy Doody got wooden Balls man?
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Man Stoner: Yeah, that 'Nam grass will fuck anyone up, man!
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Arnold Stoner: You get a goddamn job before sundown, or we're shipping you off to military school with the goddamn Finkelstein-shit kid! Son of a bitch!
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Pedro: It's punk rock, Man! We can do that; we can be punks, Man!
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[Man has disguised himslef as a woman while hitchhiking]
Man Stoner: Hey, man; I'm glad you picked me up, man. I was about to freeze my balls off.
Pedro: Man, I was hopin' you didn't have no balls.
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Pedro: [laughing while stoned] Way anchor! How much does it weigh? I don't know, I forgot! pffhhh! Ha ha I saw that in a movie once...!
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Arresting Officer: Sir, could I please see your license?
Pedro: Whuut?
Arresting Officer: Your license. Where's your license?
Pedro: It's back there on the bumper, man!
Arresting Officer: No, I mean your DRIVER'S license.
Pedro: Oh yeah, I got the bullshit back here man...
[gets license with great difficulty]
Pedro: Hey I thought'a somethin' really funny, man... Your mother!
[laughs]
Arresting Officer: [after dirty look, of course] Sir, what's your name?
Pedro: uuhhh... Isn't in on the license, man? Yeah, that's it! Pedro La Parcas, man, that's my name...
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Arresting Officer: [to Man] Sir, what's your name?
Pedro: Whut? I told you my name, man!
Arresting Officer: [to Man] Sir... what's YOUR name?
Pedro: [to Man] Hey man! The dude wants to know your name, man!
[Man vomits onto the floor of the car]
Pedro: Uuhhh - His name is RAALLLPH, man!
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[Pedro is having a panic attack after smoking Man's dope]
Man Stoner: Here, man, mellow out. Here, take this
[Pedro swallows the capsule]
Man Stoner: No, wait a minute don't take that.
Pedro: [Worried] Hey, man; what was that shit you gave me?
Man Stoner: Man, that was the most acid I ever saw anyone take at one time, man.
Pedro: [panicing] Acid! Man, I don't mess with that shit, man. A guy in my neighborhood took some once, his head swelled up and everything, man!
Man Stoner: [laughing] Ho, ho, ho; man, I hope you're not planning on doing anything for the next couple of months.
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Pedro: Don't worry, man. Those aren't narcs, they're Las Emigras; you know, the Immigration Service looking for illegal aliens.
Man Stoner: What's the Immigration Service doing here, man?
Pedro: My cousin needed a ride to his brother's wedding in Tijuana; so he called the Emigras, man. They'll deport the entire wedding party, man. They get a free bus ride across the border and lunch. When the wedding is over, man, they'll just come back across the border.
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Man Stoner: [looking at a dinky little joint] I hope your dick's bigger than this, man.
(4.7)
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